It’s indeed true when they say that ‘nothing lasts forever’. But it’s also true that when we are in the epicenter of a life phase, its seems that the forever is never ending.
Today when after I complete 8 long years, everything seems nothing less than perfect to me, a blissful married life, a contending career path, a mind at rest and feet that are now stable, I thank each morning remembering those sleepless nights that were spent gazing at the bland skies.So much has gone into the making of me, into the blessings of having to be born twice in the same life.
An accident and four corrective surgeries to my spine stalled 10 years of me and brought me down to bed for a whole year. With the physical pain of a recovering body, financial burdens, a wobbling mental strength, seeped in and out of me. I could never know better how a clock ticks, how a day begins and how the night ends. Such was the longing for the time to take away that phase from me.
After ten long months when I first sat up in this second birth of mine,I truely felt new.The skin on my feet were shedding into a new one, I needed a back support like a child to sit steady and a walker to teach me walk. I was now learning to walk again, and unlike the first steps of my life these ones had more meaning. I had earned them with tonnes of patience that the white hospital walls had taught me. When most of the people claimed to be worried about the future I was heading to, a bleak chance to complete my education, for the burden I could be on my parents, I was well taken care of by my small family, especially my parents. When others doubted, my two angels took pride in me. Of the person I was becoming and for the struggle I was fighting, was all they could boast about me and they made another stronger version of their daughter.
Subsequent to all the pain bearing struggle, mental motivation, a successful college degree and an acclaimed job position makes me awe back on those years. Little did I know then that I could ever be here. Each time I challenged myself and discovered a newer ‘Me’, a little saved from being a vegetable for life. Anger, frustrations & tears never left me. When people challenged and some even mocked, I passed it with a smile but my heart cried another thousand times. While walking in the deserts of harsh times I made myself forget of pleasures and trained myself each day to know myself.
I used to wonder,”Do I have a dream too?” “Where do I see my self in the next 5 years”. I had no answers as I had no vision but just to make my parents proud and happy for all the sacrifice they made for me. Well, only parents can do that for us.
Today flipping over pictures, my first nine mile trek at Munising, an over eight mile biking experience along the Mackinac islands with my husband, a better body, an ability to freely smile and almost do everything, makes my life feel like a book, like a dream. I rarely think of pains or my implant anymore. I have so much more to dream that my list keeps getting refreshed. I have so much more to accomplish on the doubts about me and I shall unfold them one at a time with grace and a real smile.
By now I know that my bed taught me to look up high all the time. The skies asked me to shine like stars in the darkness and the sun taught me that it takes a lot to keep that fire burning inside you.In short, it seems all like a preparation,a blessing with pain as its disguise which I have now uncovered.