I build and rebuild a part of me everyday, at least I try. I desire to become the higher self of me each day and trust me each day is a work. I will not lie, I do feel drawn towards the good and the sadder days of my past and no matter how blessed I am with a smiling face that at times does get horribly grumpy I do have to begin to rebuild myself from scratch.
Its not that I trail back intentionally, rather it just happens. But the optimistic side of me mentors to leave behind what’s gone and rebuild myself on those ground to be a ‘newer me’. I guess we all do, right? No matter how perfect and prim-n-proper we try to appear to the world and to our families, we continue to rebuild ourselves from our very own fragments all the time and so to my peace it makes me one out of everyone.
We seem to constantly gather and compose ourselves from fears, setbacks, traumas, criticism and rejections and thanks to the glorified grey matter, all this processing is not easy. It seems like you just built your house on the wrong piece of land and you are falling short of some of those necessary deep breaths.
And in a daily course of routine, we all get to do a lot of rebuilding stuff. From being more sober and sane, making the perfect toast in the morning, looking fit and good, performing competitively better at work, being available in full capacity to our loved ones at home and to the sound sleep that we desire to end it with, is a lot of construction, in and out, to deal with, every single day.
But what if this process of collapse and rise of ourselves is just one sided? Will the outward appearing of this camouflaging shield protect us enough? May be not. May be the best suited outfit or the most graceful appearance is not enough and not all.
It should be certainly okay to allow ourselves to give a chance to collapse and to release bottled up emotions, to be able to assess and choose the company that surrounds us because it is from there at that very moment we get to gather bits and pieces of ourselves, put back the right pieces of the puzzle in the right places and choose to avoid living beyond our capacities, and thereby begin to cultivate and work on our own substance, accepting the real us with our own strengths and shortcomings, make peace with the past and embrace the present to rebuild ourselves once again from a battle that we had once and several times thought to be lost and be the Phoenix that rises from its own ashes.