The other day I was catching up with a good friend of mine. I won’t say she is an old friend because it really hasn’t been a very long period since we met and had started to strike a conversation. But something did strike pretty well to start off with a good conversation, we met the second time.
I am not a very easy person to make long lasting, deep meaning friendships. It’s not that I am not friendly, I very much am. But maybe because some really hard and life changing things have happened over the last few or rather many years that has pulled me inside my cocoon or my comfort zone. I have seen human behaviors and situations transforming and changing faster than the weathers of the era of the climate change and too early for my age I did happened to experience quite some weathering that has changed in the course of my mindset.
The shopping malls, new movie releases, glitz and glamour buzz or all the other scintillating things around portrayed nothing more than farce and useless subjects to spend time on. I seldom tried to bring myself together when I looked into the mirror, thinking why don’t I dress up or look like most girls or now women of my age do? And I did not find any luck with answers that would pop up from my reflection. Any shade of color that I brush on my face, makes me feel less of me and I end up sticking to a brown shade of lipstick or just a colorless lip gloss. I do not know for sure, whether the ‘brown comfort’ is about boredom or just being safe in my comfort zone or not wanting the need to be visibly noticed by means of just appearances.
To let out my accumulated energies and my passion to be associated with some genuine beings who wouldn’t judge me by any means, I had been volunteering at an animal shelter and this is where I met this ‘good friend’ of mine. It’s like meeting a person at a destined place and finding out, “wow, at least we have something in common”. More so, when you meet a person such as like here, you know that you won’t need episodes to understand each other too deeply to become friends. You just get hold of that one straw and you are to good to go.
I recollect us sharing our thought while she mentioned her mother calling her cold. “Cold? Really? …Why?” “Because I do not hang around with a lot of people, I don’t do the usual ‘to-do’ things that generally women of my age supposedly do by choice or privileged, I don’t spend hours shopping or trying to ‘make’ myself happy & pretty and all I do is try to focus to in my job and comeback home to myself. In short, because the way I am “, she said. And all I responded was by laughing and finding relief by saying, “I find myself again”. And this time, we laughed even harder.
I confessed my lack of desires to be “desirable” in terms that the world looks up to. Movies, celebrity lives, on-sale banners and aisle of cosmetics don’t impress me anymore rather they do confuse me and so I just let them be.However, I do feel the need to find a wavelength to match, to make long lasting or recurring conversations with people and fake is not my cup of tea anymore.And in a nutshell, we found ourselves parked in a zero tolerance zone to the trend setting world.
Being comfortable in your own skin, isn’t merely plain sailing. You got to work on both sides of your self because what appears is finally what sells and in continuation to the customer care satisfaction, it is the demolition and the construction of what continually evolves inside you. Your inner-self.
It would be wrong to admit that this isn’t spooky. The fear of being lost in the crowd or being run down is natural for the survival strategy and keeping up to the pace makes me or rather us, feels like a novice swimmer, coming up to the surface for oxygen in the fear of drowning.
So the impromptu poll is- what happens in the next 5 years from now? Do we see ourselves running a family like our parents did, make life-changing events in the ever so changing wrecked world, be the professor for animal rights and have a law tagged with our names, write a book that turns out to be a bestseller? Which one of these or is it even thought through? Honestly, to admit I and we do not know and may be for the time being, we do not want to know either.
We will choose to take a chance, to wait and keep trying by taking each day in its best form and let life unwrap itself to us, hoping that this time would be a time,just more than ‘simply coping’.